14.2.07

Familia biológica y adoptiva se conocen

Del escaso tiempo que mi trabajo y las múltiples obligaciones familiares me dejan, una parte la dedico a leer (muy de vez en cuando) la lista de correo de AFAC que tan buen servicio presta, sobre todo a aquellas familias que esperan. Estoy suscrito a la lista desde finales del año 1998 y ahora es tal (afortunadamente) la cantidad de personas que en ella escribe que las respuestas a dudas se contestan de inmediato y los comentarios ante noticias aparecidas en los medios son muchos y en honor a la verdad lo que yo pueda decir ya lo dicen otros mejor y más pronto. La lista goza de un ritmo y una vitalidad magnífica.

Por ella supe este fin de semana pasado de la existencia de un video, emitido por una cadena de televisión de Holanda en el que una familia de este país con dos hijas nacidas en China es puesta en conocimiento (y contacto virtual vía videos) con la familia biológica de la hija mayor. Este video lo he “capturado” y editado en dos partes (youtube no deja más diez minutos) y podéis verlo a continuación. La traducción del holandés al inglés de los diálogos del mismo está más abajo y también están tomados de un correo de la lista de AFAC.

Quiero comentar que me ha resultado emotivo en extremo y que me ha hecho pensar mucho en la familia biológica de mis hijas y sobre todo me ha impresionado la actitud, el gesto y el dolor que refleja el padre biológico. Cuando comentamos sobre este tema en distintos ámbitos siempre se habla principalmente de la madre biológica y yo también me he referido a ella en otras ocasiones, pero es la primera vez que veo la tristeza y la pena en el rostro de un hombre, el padre biológico para el que la separación de esa niña que ve nacer en la intimidad de su casa y con la que vive un tiempo, se hace desgarradora y sus lágrimas así lo reflejan.





in church

A church in Noord-Holland (province), a couple of weeks ago. We meet
Eline.
Eline is an altar girl and searching for her Chinese parents. For a
couple
of years now she has been asking her Dutch parents about her roots.
Eline
was born in the surroundings of Chongqing.



Chongqing

Here she was abandoned shortly after her birth. The first months of
her life
she stayed with a Chinese foster family.



garden

Then she is adopted by a Dutch couple. Eline grows op with Anneli.
Anneli is
7 years old and she is from another part of China. She is also a
foundling,



dinner

The children form a family with their mother Wilma and their father
Jim, who
also has Asian blood.



A-Father: It's not very obvious that they are adoptive children in
our case,
so they mingle in and don't arouse questions of the public. Now and
then
there is a remark: you are Chinese, well, that's right.



Interviewer: Eline is now 10 years old, what kind of child is she?



A-Mother: She's a delightful child. On one hand she is a little
insecure.
She is a child who asks many questions about the past, about the why,
why
couldn't I stay there, why did I have to go, but on the other hand,
she is a
very inquisitive child, also a cautious person, but she does embrace
people.
That is very good; when she gives herself then she gives herself 100%.



church

The two children are very content, but Eline repeatedly asks
questions about
her past.



Interviewer: What kind of questions does she have?



A-Mother: Why did I have to go? Where are they? I don't have a
picture of
them, what will they look like? Did they love me? Why wasn't I
allowed to
stay there?



Interviewer: And she asked those questions of you.



A-Mother: Yes, mainly of me.



Interviewer: And what was your answer then?



A-Mother: I have always said: sweetheart, if you had stayed there,
then they
would have loved you enormously, because I can't imagine that they
wouldn't
have loved you. But we also explained to her that they could only
have one
child there and that the chances are that she has more brothers or
sisters.
Or that her parents were poor and if they have several children, it
would
not have been possible for you to stay with them.



Interviewer: How does she react to that?



A-Mother: She does understand, but you have been relinquished. It
remains
difficult. It is an answer, but deep in your heart you just want to be
wanted.



violin

Voiceover: Indirectly Jim and Wilma gain contact with a Chinese woman
who
comes from Chongqing, where Eline was abandoned. She spontaneously
offers to
search for the biological parents of Eline.



Interviewer: When this search succeeds, then one day you could come
face to
face with her Chinese parents. What will you say to them then?



A-Father: That's difficult. For one that we are happy that Eline is
with us.
There are some things that you can see from Eline, she's quite small,
you
have seen that, you will probably recognise that in her Chinese
parents as
well. And then we will see how the conversation develops. Then you
have to
start building a contact. What we will ask, we will decide at the
time.
These are the kind of things, you want to know what kind of people
they are,
to get an idea of how they live and for the rest we have to see how it
develops.



A-Mother: And I think that I would say what a beautiful daughter they
have.
That they have a child to be very proud of.



Interviewer: Because?



A-Mother: Just how she is as a human being. How she is socially. You
don't
see that with all children.



Interviewer: When Eline was abandoned they left a note with her. You
gave
that to us. Could you read it to us?



A-Father: That's right, this is a photocopy of the original note.
It's a
translation by the way, it said.. (English)..



Eline: Hello mummy, where are you? Who are you? What's your name? Why
did
you leave me somewhere? Do you think I'm sweet? I miss you, do you
miss me
too?

Greetings, Eline Kuiper, bye, I will miss you, bye, bye, I will stop,
bye.



violin

ballet



Chongqing

Voiceover: We are in Chongqing, 2000 kilometre from Beijing. In
Chongqing
and the surroundings 32 million people live. Because of the neon
lighting
Chongqing looks like a modern western city at night.

By daylight we meet Jocelyn. She was born and raised here and works
as a
project manager with IBM. Jocelyn managed to get the local media to
pay
attention to the story of Eline. A local journalist even wrote several
articles about it. He did research and a couple of months ago he
called
Jocelyn with an amazing report.



rural area

In these surroundings, far from the city, the journalist contacted a
farmer
and his wife. The man and woman claim that they are the father and
mother of
Eline. The farming couple is willing to talk to us, but not in their
own
surroundings.



city

To abandon a child is of course a big taboo and that's why they would
rather
not be seen in their own surroundings with a camera team from the
West.






We invite the man and the woman to come to the centre of Chongqing.
Here it
doesn't attract so much attention if they have contact with us. We
meet in a
big hotel where there are a lot of Western businessmen.

Father Wen and mother Ming have two children: a daughter of 17 years
old and
a daughter of 12 years old, Lu. She also comes. We go to a room on
the top
floor of the hotel. Here Wen and Ming can tell their story without
disturbance.



B-Father: The child was born at home. And I cut the umbilical cord
myself.



Interviewer: You didn't go to the hospital



B-Father: No.



Interviewer: And there was also no family?

B-Father: No, none



Interviewer: You did it all yourself?



B-Father: Yes. When I saw the baby girl, I found her to be very
sweet. She
had long fingers and long toes. And she looked around immediately. So
I
could see her eyes. I bundled her up in cloths very well. We didn't
want
other people to know that she was born. We wanted to keep her for a
while
before relinquishing her.



restaurant

Voiceover: The baby is the third child for this couple. After getting
their
second child, Lu, they had to pay a big fine a couple of years
before, which
they have still not been able to pay fully. Wen and Ming know that
another
fine is waiting for them. A fine that they can't possibly pay with
their
small income.



B-Mother: We wanted the child to find good fortune. We were not able
to
raise her. But in our heart we did want the child.



Interviewer: You abandoned the child at the police station?



B-Mother: Yes.



Interviewer: Did you see anyone picking the child up?



B-Mother: Yes, that's why we waited.



Interviewer: You didn't walk away immediately?



B-Mother: No.



Interviewer: Didn't anyone see you then?



B-Mother: No.



Interviewer: Were you alone, or together?



B-Mother: Together.

We put her in a basket with a note with her birth date and some milk
powder.



Interviewer: What kind of basket did you have?



B-Mother: A regular basket.

We wrapped her things and clothing. And also a bottle of milk. We had
to
walk to the city. There was no bus. It was far and I had pain in my
legs. I
didn't know it was that far. But we didn't have much choice. We could
hardly
abandon her in our own village. Everybody knows us there. I remember
that we
walked to that place. I remember which place it was.



rural area

Voiceover: Father Wen is willing to take us to the place where the
baby was
abandoned. We follow the road they walked ten years ago. It is hours
of
driving on dirt roads. We end up in a place that looks very different
from
the modern looking Chongqing.

In the suburbs the locals go about their daily activities. There is
hardly
any traffic.

Here and there products are being sold. Chinese people who seem to
have
nothing to do, give in to another pass time: gambling.

We drive to the centre. At the father's request we film as
inconspicuously
as possible.

Then we reach the police station where the child was abandoned.
Father Wen
asks us to stay seated in the car. We are at the spot where Eline was
possibly abandoned 10 years ago. But are these really her biological
parents
whom we have found?



The answer to that question comes from Amsterdam. In this laboratory
a DNA
test has been carried out at request. The saliva of the Chinese
couple is
thoroughly analysed and compared with the saliva of Eline. From the
results
of this research, it will become apparent whether Eline is indeed the
first
Chinese foundling who can be put in touch with her biological
parents. The
research will take a couple of weeks.



violin

The result of the research is known now. The story of father Wen and
mother
Ming is true. They are the biological parents of Eline.



B-Mother: What happiness! It's really a miracle that she ended up
there.



B-Father: She is beautiful. She must have fallen on her feet.

We must be very grateful to her parents for what they have done. I
just hope
that Eline does not blame us. I feel terribly guilty.



B-Mother: I hope we will be forgiven. I really hope that.



A-Mother: I have always told her the story as they are telling it
themselves
now. My feelings always told me that it was this way.



Interviewer: They feel guilty.



A-Mother: They don't have to. They couldn't have done anything else I
think.



Interviewer: They are also grateful to you.



A-Mother: They also don't have to be.



A-Father: We now have a beautiful daughter.



A-Mother: What is gratitude? Do the children have to be thankful to
us? That
they ended up here? Maybe she rather would have stayed there. But you
can't
turn back time. And we are trying to give her a future here.



Interviewer: They see that too, don't they?



A-Mother: Yes.



Eline: I miss you so, I really do. But I really have to stop now,
because I
have to go to sleep now. I would have had to do the same if I had
stayed
with you. Bye bye, and good night.

Greetings, Eline.



text

In the meantime Eline and her sister have watched the images from
China.

They understood what had happened.



The Chinese parents want to meet Eline and her Dutch family very much.



Jim and Wilma are planning to go to China with the children this year.

5 comentarios:

  1. Hola José Luis. Parece un vídeo muy interesante. Lo tienes puesto en modo "privado", así que sólo podrán verlo los que tú escojas.

    Mi cuenta en Youtube se llama "Aorijia" (lo he puesto como mi enlace), para que puedas invitarme a ver el vídeo desde la tuya si decides no hacerlo público (si te apetece invitarme, claro; si no, no pasa nada).

    Que tengas un buen fin de semana.

    ResponderEliminar
  2. Ya lo he cambiado a "público". No sabía muy bien como funcionaba esto.
    Gracias Olga por avisarme.
    Saludos.

    ResponderEliminar
  3. Es común a todos los seres humanos y desde el principio de los tiempos preguntarnos aquello de de dónde venimos y adónde vamos, sin embargo sigo siendo de la opinión de que a veces saber demasiado nos lleva a sufrir, quizá a un sufrimiento gratuito porque el pasado no cambiará nuestro presente.Lo difícil a veces para el ser humano será ponerse límites: quiero saber, pero ¿hasta dónde para no dañarme?

    ResponderEliminar
  4. Es una gran verdad que en muchas ocasiones conocer el pasado en nada nos pueden ayudar en el presente y que puede ser incluso doloroso hurgar en él. Casi todas las personas que fueron adoptadas necesitan saber esa parte de su pasado en el que nosotros no estábamos. Creo que es nuestro deber ayudarles si así lo plantean. En la medida de lo posible tendremos que dar respuesta a esas preguntas que se hacen, intentar minimizar el dolor que pueda producirles saber cosas no agradables de su histora personal. Ayudarles a encajar esa pieza del puzzle que falta.
    Yo deseo que mis se hagan preguntas para las que yo tenga respuesta, y si no les satisface intentaré siempre minimizar y relativizar el efecto que mi ignorancia, la falta de conocimiento ante sus preguntas, pueda tener en ellas.

    ResponderEliminar
  5. Muchas gracias por poner los vídeos, José Luis. Me han parecido muy emocionantes.

    Feliz Año Nuevo

    ResponderEliminar

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